A short glimpse of my thoughts

Nov. 12, 2014

Window seat. 38, 000 feet. Beautiful ocean below. Headed south. How did I get here? Trying to remember all the details of what brought me to this very moment. It's been a desire of my heart since nursing school, and I knew that going to Spain 2 years ago was just the start. Yet, now that the time for me to go abroad is here once again, I have so many mixed emotions.

The past few days have been so much more emotional than I had imagined them to be. I kept myself busy over the last month between moving, studying (spanish) and travelling, so that when anyone asked me how I felt about the move, I really didn't know what to say. It seemed so far away. Well it's here now. Scared that maybe I should have gotten a Visa....Will the Peruvian authorities let me in? The check in lady questioned me and said I needed a return ticket (which I don't have yet) and said it was very necessary. Yet, she gave me the boarding pass anyway. Hoping the folks in Peru won't mind too much! I fear that something may happen to me or my family and I won't be close to them. I'm excited to have the opportunity to help others in a capacity I never have before, to live amongst some very joyful religious sisters, and selfishly, to speak Spanish on a daily basis. But, the nerves come and go. When I think about all I'm leaving (even though it's only temporary) it makes me sad. I suppose I would be more worried if I wasn't sad. I'm not running from anything. I'm running towards something I've always wanted and it just so happens it's in the opposite direction of everything good I have in my life now. I don't think that's a bad thing though. Despite all the emotions I'm feeling, I know this is what I should be doing right now. I feel at peace with this decision. I'm excited about the possibilities this one little choice in my life may bring to me. 

Each time over the last few days that I felt a little overwhelmed with everything, I remembered cousin Heather's story about walking down the aisle on her wedding day. It's easy to get wrapped up in everything we have to do to prepare for something big in our lives and when the big event finally arrives, it's hard to breathe. As Uncle Frank told Heather right before she walked down the aisle and I've told myself a hundred times these last few days..."Can you still wiggle your toes? Then it's going to be ok." 

Wiggle my toes, wiggling my toes, make those toes make me wiggle my way a delante. Here's to not knowing what my future holds!